Hey folks, guess what - The Jesus Non-Denominational Church in Greenville, MN. just had a barbeque. Among the things on the char-broiled menu was the Book of Mormon, the Catholic Rosary, and any translation version of the Bible that was not cooked up by King James back in 1611. New International? Toasted. NAS? Up in patriotic smoke. Living Translation? A hunka hunka burnin' love. Etcetera and so on.

This was done because the book of Acts mentions burning pagan literature:

"Many of them also which used curious arts brought their books together and burned them before all men and they counted the price of them and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver. So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed."  
-Acts 19:19-20

Strangely, the King James version also features Matthew's account of the Pharisees and what cheesed Jesus off about them, but I guess Bishop Tommy hasn't gotten that far in his bible-study plan. But we need not throw this particular baby out with the bath water entirely. He makes a textbook example of the final solution of self-righteousness.

Bishop Tom knows God better than you. God likes him better. And he's going to fix your little red wagon for you. Because you, my friend, are just a wannabe Christian, with your wannabe bible. Doomed as doomed can be.

Is there a group of people that you know God doesn't want in heaven? Congratulations. It's your turn. 

It only seems fair, really. If you want to wander through this life pretending like it's God's version of the "Big Brother" house, you make alliances where convenient and break them as intemperantly. Hindus are godless and damned, Muslims are godless and damned, Bhuddists are godless and damned, Homosexuals are godless and damned, Heathens like me are riding in the front car and collecting tolls on the express elevator to hell...

...And now it's my pleasure to welcome you aboard. You've just been voted short of salvation. Have a seat in the back, behind the agnostics, please.

There's hope, of course. And that hope isn't predicated on changing your attitude, religion or biblical choice to the Bishop Tommy certified salvation standard. Henry the VIII tried to codify God in his image, and it didn't hold. The Inquisition tried to murder the ungodly, and now protestants outnumber the Roman Catholics by a humungus margin. The Crusades tried to fix those rotten Muslims, and now they outnumber the Christians.

But God doesn't live in Bishop Tommy's Church. And he doesn't live in yours. And he doesn't live in the Cathedrals, or the Mosques, or the Synogogues. That's just real estate for your convenience. God overarches it all. And every single religion in the world carries one golden thread - every one in the world:

Hindu: "This is the sum of duty: do naught to others which if done to thee would cause thee pain."

Jewish: "What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow men. That is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary."

Christian: "All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets."

Muslim: "No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself."

One single, overarching law. Simplicity. Straightforward. Those who cannot live within this precept are unwelcome in God's eyes in any church, no matter what the modern Pharisees say. And those who try doggedly to follow it are welcome in any church on the face of this earth, no matter what religion they do or do not subscribe to. Get this one right, and the rest is easy. Get this one right, and you're halfway to fulfilling mankind's destiny.

Only halfway. But that will do, for now... if you can manage it.

In the meanwhile, we would all do well to lay off choosing God's damned for him. It's a job only he is qualified for.

©Copyright 2003, Courier Times (PA, USA)

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