by James Hirsen, with Newsmax.com

       1. The San Andreas Fault has caused the continental plate located under Hollywood to buckle left.
       2. Extraterrestrials have bombarded the West Coast area with brain-wave projections that are capable of turning minds into macaroni and cheese.
       3. Going from waiting on tables to waiting to board private jets has created an epidemic of “afluenza” in Tinseltown, the side effects of which are pangs of liberal guilt.
       4. Most Hollywood actors graduated from the Chairman Mao School of Acting.
       5. Followers of Timothy Leary have been seeding the water with psychedelics for almost four decades.
       6. Tinseltown folks smoke their Vietnamese pot using recycled paper.
       7. Plastic surgeons are implanting “L” chips into the residents of Hollywood with each procedure performed.
       8. The entire town is secretly under the total control of Barbra Streisand.
       9. Almost all of the inhabitants of La La Land have completed the Anthony Robbins seminar “Awaken the Liberal Within.”
       10. The entertainment capital’s essential coffee table book is It Takes a Village.
       11. Hollywood locals religiously attend services each Sunday at the Yoga, Tai Chi, Buddhist, Hindu, Bahai, Scientology, Raelian Chanting Center.
       12. Tinseltown dwellers have developed a deep empathy for the working class, after spending long hours supervising servants, gardeners, personal assistants, cooks, drivers, hairdressers, valets, TV remote pushers, nannies, and pet walkers.
       13. Green rooms have been serving too many M&Ms with red dye #2.
       14. Psychiatrists in Hollywood routinely induce patients into a sleeplike trance by playing the audio version of Al Gore’s Earth in the Balance.
       15. Hollywood hipsters have witnessed a rash of cars with Bush-Cheney bumper stickers being unceremoniously towed away.
       16. The liberal thought police have used crop dusters to blanket the Tinseltown landscape with Right-Be-Gone.
       17. Folks in La La Land believe that they really do have a rich uncle with an endless supply of money who goes by the name of Uncle Sam.
       
       Those who make their home in Tinseltown quickly find out that when it comes to the A-list, you’re either left or you’re left out.

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