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HEALING THROUGH UNITY

November, 2000

A monthly newsletter dedicated to serving the principles of

physical and spiritual health envisioned in the Baha'i Teachings.

Volume 4, Issue #3

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CONTENTS

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- Love
- Marriage Ceremony of Shoghi Effendi and Mary Maxwell
- Choosing A Partner
- Healthy Relationships
- Steps to Take for Effective Consultation
- Dealing With Anger and Hurt
- Happy Couples
- The Value of Playfulness
- Responses From the Readers About Addiction Issues
- Requesting Assistance From Our Readers
- Question of the Month
- Purpose of the Newsletter
- Website

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LOVE

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"Know thou of a certainty that Love is the secret of God's holy Dispensation, the manifestation of the All-Merciful, the fountain of spiritual outpourings. Love is heaven's kindly light, the Holy Spirit's eternal breath that vivifieth the human soul. Love is the cause of God's revelation unto man, the vital bond inherent, in accordance with the divine creation, in the realities of things. Love is the one means that ensureth the felicity both in this world and the next. Love is the light that guideth in darkness, the living link that uniteth God with man, that assureth the progress of every illumined soul. Love is the most great law that ruleth this mighty and heavenly cycle, the unique power that bindeth together the divers elements of this material world, the supreme magnetic force that directeth the movements of the spheres in the celestial realms. Love revealeth with unfailing and limitless power the mysteries latent in the universe. Love is the spirit of life unto the adorned body of mankind, the establisher of true civilization in this mortal world, and the shedder of imperishable glory upon every high-aiming race and nation." (Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p. 27)

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MARRIAGE CEREMONY OF SHOGHI EFFENDI

AND MARY MAXWELL (RUHIYYIH KHANUM)

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By Ruhiyyih Rabbani, The Priceless Pearl, p. 151-2

"Surely the simplicity of the marriage of Shoghi Effendi - reminiscent of the simplicity of 'Abdu'l-Baha's own marriage in the prison-city of Akka - should provide a thought-provoking example to the Baha'is everywhere. No one, with the exception of his parents, my parents and a brother and two sisters of his living in Haifa, knew it was to take place. He felt strongly urged to keep it a secret, knowing from past experience how much trouble any major event in the Cause invariably stirred up. It was therefore a stunning surprise to both the servants and the local Baha'is when his chauffeur drove him off, with me beside him, to visit the Holy Tomb of Baha'u'llah on the afternoon of 25 March 1937. His heart drew him to that Most Sacred Spot on earth at such a moment in his life. I remember I was dressed, except for a white lace blouse, entirely in black for this unique occasion, and was a typical example of the way oriental women dressed to go out into the streets in those days, the custom being to wear black. Although I was from the West Shoghi Effendi desired me to fit into a pattern of the life in his house - which was a very oriental one - as naturally and inconspicuously as possible and I was only too happy to comply with his wishes in every way. When we arrived at Bahji and entered the Shrine he requested me to give him his ring, which I was still wearing concealed about my neck, and this he placed on the ring-finger of my right hand, the same finger that corresponded to the one of his own on which he himself had always worn it. This was the only gesture he made. He entered the inner Shrine, beneath the floor of which Baha'u'llah is interred, and gathered up in a handkerchief all the dried petals and flowers that the keeper of the Shrine used to take from the threshold and place in a silver receptacle at the feet of Baha'u'llah. After he had chanted the Tablet of Visitation we came back to Haifa and in the room of the Greatest Holy Leaf our actual marriage took place... There was no celebration, no flowers, no elaborate ceremony, no wedding dress, no reception. His mother and father, in compliance with the laws of Baha'u'llah, signified their consent by signing our marriage certificate and then I went back to the Western Pilgrim House across the street and joined my parents (who had not been present at any of these events), and Shoghi Effendi went to attend his own affairs. At dinner-time, quite as usual, the Guardian appeared, showering his love and congratulations on my mother and father. He took the handkerchief, full of such precious flowers, and with his inimitable smile gave them to my mother, saying he had brought them for her from the inner Shrine of Baha'u'llah. My parents also signed the marriage certificate and after dinner and these events were over I walked home with Shoghi Effendi... 

The quietness, the simplicity, the reserve and dignity with which this marriage took place did not signify that the Guardian considered it an unimportant event - on the contrary. Over his mother's signature, but drafted by the Guardian, the following cable was sent to America 'Announce Assemblies celebration marriage beloved Guardian.' Inestimable honor conferred upon handmaid of Baha'u'llah, Ruhiyyih Khanum Miss Mary Maxwell. Union of the East and West proclaimed by Baha'i Faith cemented. Ziaiyyih mother of the Guardian. A telegram similar to this was sent to Persia. This news, so long awaited, naturally produced great rejoicing amongst the Baha'is and messages flooded in to Shoghi Effendi from all parts of the world."

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CHOOSING A PARTNER

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(Editor's Note: It was a delight to receive this article "Choosing a Partner" from a friend in Poland. It was prepared by Dr. Agnes and Bijan Ghaznavi for a Polish summer school, 2000. Excerpts are shared in this issue.)

Attraction and Harmony

"In short, attraction and harmony of things are the cause of the production of fruits and useful results, while repulsion and disharmony of things are the cause of disturbance and annihilation." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith, p. 296) 

Know His Own Self

"...man should know his own self, and know those things which lead to loftiness or to abasement, to shame or to honour, to affluence or poverty." (Baha'u'llah, The Baha'i World, p. 167) 

Before Choosing a Partner

Some counsels of 'Abdu'l-Baha addressed to a believer help men and women to reflect on their attitude and the person of their choice. 

1) A joyful disposition 
"...she must be sympathetic, kind-hearted, happy and endowed with a joyful disposition." ('Abdu'l-Baha, 22nd Dec 1918, to A.S., Star of the West, vol 11, no 1, p. 20)

2) A companion and a partner
"....She must take an interest in all the problems pertaining to thy life, and be thy companion and partner in every phase of thy existence..." ('Abdu'l-Baha, 22nd Dec 1918, to A.S., Star of the West, vol 11, no 1, p. 20)

3) Everlasting friendship
"Before choosing a wife a man must think soberly and seriously that this girl will be his friend throughout all his life. It is not a temporary matter." ('Abdu'l-Baha, 22nd Dec 1918, to A.S., Star of the West, vol 11, no 1, p. 20)

A Mate and Intimate Confident
"She is a soul with whom he must associate all the days of his life; she will be his mate and his intimate confidant; therefore, day by day their love and their attachment to each other must increase." ('Abdu'l-Baha, 22nd Dec 1918, to A.S., Star of the West, vol 11, no 1, p. 20)

No Interference
"As for the question regarding marriage under the Law of God: first thou must choose one who is pleasing to thee, and then the matter is subject to the consent of father and mother. Before thou makest thy choice, they have no right to interfere." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Baha, p. 118)

Consent of Parents
"As we desired to bring about love and friendship and the unity of the people, therefore We made marriage conditional upon the consent of the parents also, that enmity and ill-feeling might be avoided." (Baha'u'llah, Kitab-i-Aqdas) 

Eternal Bond
"Baha'i marriage is union and cordial affection between the two parties. They must, however, exercise the utmost care and become acquainted with each other's character. This eternal bond should be made secure by a firm covenant, and the intention should be to foster harmony, fellowship and unity and to attain everlasting life." ('Abdu'l-Baha, The Baha'i World Faith, p. 372) 

Character and Faith
"There is a difference between character and faith; it is often very hard to accept this fact and put up with it, but the fact remains that a person may believe and love the Cause - even to being ready to die for it - and yet not have a personal character, or possess traits at variance with the teachings." (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated October 17, 1944, written on behalf to an individual believer.) 

True Baha'i Marriage
"The true marriage of Baha'is is this, that both husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Baha'i marriage." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Baha, p. 118)

Tenderness Out of This World
"In the same way, when any souls grow to be true believers, they will attain a spiritual relationship with one another, and show forth a tenderness which is not of this world. They will, all of them, become elated from a draught of divine love, and that union of theirs, that connection, will also abide forever." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Baha, pp. 117-8)

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HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

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Editor's notes: These notes are taken from the book "Breaking The Chain of Low Self-Esteem." by Marilyn J. Sorensen, Ph.D., 149 - 152. 

"Healthy relationships are ones in which both partners are healthy individuals, with interests, goals, friends, activities, and a sense of worth not related to the partner....People who seek relationships to heal themselves or avoid their problems are incapable of fully completing their responsibilities to a healthy relationship; instead, they become either too dependent and devote all their energy to the other, or they become too self-focused, demanding, and selfish in their expectations. When one partner is not healthy, communication becomes strained, decision-making becomes more difficult, equality in the relationship cannot be achieved, and true intimacy is impossible. 

Healthy relationships are formed when two healthy individuals decide that they would not only like to retain their personal interests and sense of self, but that they would also like to form an "us" with someone else and add a new entity to their lives. This is not a "giving up" of the individual - two do not become one - rather two become three as the model below indicates. Thus, each person maintains individuality while agreeing to share a portion of their lives with the other.... 

In a healthy relationship, both partners want the best for themselves and the best for the other person. They truly respect each other; they trust each other. They support and encourage each other, yet they maintain their own unique personalities and individuality. They do not try to control nor do they compete.

The model presented here, not only allows for, but also encourages independence, respect, equality, and personal responsibility. If followed, this plan prevents a couple from becoming mired down in codependency and enmeshment; it also provides a road map that enables the couple to discern when they are getting off track. Healthy men and women want to have such a relationship because it affords mutual respect. Many men, however, do not tolerate such a relationship because they see it as demanding far more of them than they have had to give in the past and more than they wish to contribute in the future. Most women, unless protecting their men or fearful they will be abandoned, clearly recognize that this type of relationship is fair to both and much healthier for both as well."

MODEL - TWO BECOME THREE

Partner #1  Us  Partner #2
Individual friends Shared friends Individual friends
Individual goals Shared goals Individual goals
Individual Interests Shared interests Individual interests
Financial goals Shared financial goals Financial goals
Control of personal expenditures Division of financial resources (same as partner #1)
Career choices Where to live Career choices
Right to time alone Time spent together Right to time alone
Freedom to choose friends, how time is spent, dress, etc. (same as partner #1)
Personal errands Shared errands Personal errands
Household responsibilities
Shared life-style
Right to initiate or decline sex with partner Sexual relationship (same as partner #1)
Right to personal beliefs and opinions (same as partner #1)
Decision to have children
Shared parenting

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This marriage quote from the Baha'i Writings explains the importance of respecting each other's boundaries.

"Wherefore, wed Thou in the heaven of Thy mercy these two birds of the nest of Thy love, and make them the means of attracting perpetual grace; that from the union of these two seas of love a wave of tenderness may surge and cast the pearls of pure and goodly issue on the shore of life. "He hath let loose the two seas, that they meet each other: Between them is a barrier which they overpass not. Which then of the bounties of your Lord will ye deny? ( 'Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i Prayers, U.S. 1985 edition, p. 106)

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STEPS TO TAKE FOR EFFECTIVE CONSULTATION

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These notes are taken from "A Marriage Workshop", prepared by the Task Force for Family Life for the Continental Board of Counsellors in Europe, 1995. 

"Consultation bestoweth greater awareness and transmuteth conjecture into certitude. It is the shining light, which, in a dark world, leadeth the way and guideth. For everything there is and will continue to be a station of perfection and maturity. The maturity of the gift of understanding is made manifest through consultation." (Baha'u'llah, quoted in Consultation: A Compilation, p.3)

"...must with all freedom express their own thoughts, and it is no wise permissible for one to belittle the thoughts of another..." (Abdu'l-Baha, Heaven of Divine Wisdom, p. 6)

1) Agree to consult and choose a time and place.
2) Establish unity and harmony.
3) Ask for aid from the Realm of Glory.
4) Define the problem or situation.
5) Consider the basic spiritual principles involved in the problem in a practical and simple way.
6) Each in turn proceed to state their views: How they see the problem, what they would like, or want to happen.
7) Explore various possible solutions.
8) Agree on one of the solutions - it may be a combination of a few possible solutions.
9) Carry out the decision unitedly. 
10) Evaluate the decision after a time and consult again if need be.

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DEALING WITH ANGER AND HURT

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These notes are taken from "A Marriage Workshop", prepared by the Task Force for Family Life for the Continental Board of Counsellors in Europe, 1995.

"...let your adorning be forgiveness and mercy..." (Baha'u'llah, Tablets of Baha'u'llah, p. 139)

Frustration, anger, and hurt can get in the way of co-operation, clear thinking, and communication. There are several steps that might be helpful in dealing with these feelings.

1. ADMITTING the feeling of frustration, hurt or anger. Being honest with ourselves is not easy if we believe the feelings to be all bad. It is easier if we see that such feelings are a warning that something is wrong. They have a story to tell that is often worth listening to.

2. REFUSING TO ACT UPON THE FIRST IMPULSE OF ANGER, FRUSTRATION OR HURT. Having a feeling and acting on it are two different things. Take "Three deep breaths" can be of help in separating the feeling and an immediate reaction that could be regretted later.

3. REFLECTING upon the feelings (when they are no longer so intense) by asking yourself such questions as: "What triggered (set off) this feeling? Did I feel misunderstood, unjustly treated, afraid, hurt, etc? It can be useful to ask: "Have I any typical patterns of feeling that get in the way of my relationships?"

If so, what can I do to change these patterns?

Reflection is difficult when feelings are intense. Later it may be possible to reflect and decide what to do next time. Perhaps consulting constructively with our partner will seem reasonable. Perhaps it will seem wiser to set the feelings aside. Physical activity can be a help in releasing pent up emotions. Other things can also be helpful - such as finding some higher purpose and realising that no one - (not even one's partner!) is perfect - "yet man must remember; the earth plane is a workshop and not an art gallery for the exhibition of powers. This is not the plane of perfection, but the earth is the crucible for refining and moulding character." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Star of West, Vol. 24, p. 350)

4. PRAYING has great power to dissolve troubling feelings. "Rely upon God, Trust in Him, Praise Him and call Him continually to mind. He verily turneth trouble into ease, and sorrow into solace, and toil into utter peace. He verily hath dominion over all things." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Baha, 178)

5. FORGIVING. Sometimes the pain and anger have a just cause. When more reasonable action cannot right the wrong, forgiving may be the only option available. It is perhaps more important to forgive, if we are not to become prisoners of our own bitterness. It is helpful to spend some time in reflection on forgiveness and any obstacles (within) that stands in the way of forgiving."

6. LOOK WITH COMPASSION BEHIND THE NEGATIVE BEHAVIOUR OF OTHERS. Assume there is an understandable reason for the way another is acting. We can then try to be ' a healing salve unto his sores...' ('Abdu'-Baha, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'-Baha, p. 34). This may help to avoid acting in a defensive way. It might then be possible to react to the feeling behind the hurtful action.

Editor's notes: The last point #6, reminded me of this quote about The Greatest Holy Leaf, Bahiyyih Khanum, sister of 'Abdu'l-Baha and daughter of Baha'u'llah.

"You were sure that if one tried to hurt her she would wish to console him for his own cruelty. For her love was unconditioned, could penetrate disguise and see hunger behind the mask of fury, and she knew that the most brutal self is secretly hoping to find gentleness in another." (Marjory Morten, The Passing of Bahiyyih Khanum, The Baha'i World, Vol. 5, 1932-34) 

I would also like to add two more important remedies for dealing with anger and hurt which are:

7. GRATITUDE. God sends us tests and difficult situations to teach us something essential for our growth and progress. By recognizing the problem as a test that God has lovingly given to us, it will be easier to accept them for our benefit and well being. 

"Be generous in prosperity and thankful in adversity." (Baha'u'llah, Gleanings, p. 285)

"Those who suffer most, attain to the greatest perfection...Tests are benefits from God, for which we should thank Him. Grief and sorrow do not come to us by chance, they are sent to us by the Divine Mercy for our own perfecting.

While a man is happy he may forget his God; but when grief comes and sorrows overwhelm him, then will he remember his Father who is in Heaven, and who is able to deliver him from his humiliations. 

Men who suffer not, attain no perfection. The plant most pruned by the gardeners is that one which, when the summer comes, will have the most beautiful blossoms and the most abundant fruit." (`Abdu'l-Baha,Paris Talks*, pp. 50-51)

8. PERFECTING OURSELVES We need to figure out what our mistakes/weaknesses are and then overcome them instead of focussing on others' faults. Here are a few examples from the Baha'i writings:

"Whenever you recognize the fault of another, think of yourself! What are my imperfections? - and try to remove them. Do this whenever you are tried through the words or deeds of others. Thus you will grow, become more perfect. You will overcome self, you will not even have time to think of the faults of others..." (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice, August 13, 1980, Multiple Authors, Lights of Guidance, p. 90)

"The tongue I have designed for the mention of Me, defile it not with detraction. If the fire of self overcome you, remember your own faults and not the faults of My creatures, inasmuch as every one of you knoweth his own self better than he knoweth others." (Baha'u'llah, Persian Hidden Words, # 66)

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HAPPY COUPLES

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Taken from "Parenting in the New World Order - The Marriage Journal", Volume 2, Issue #7, March, 1997

"A friend recently loaned us an article to read with the intriguing title: The Nine Secrets of Happy Couples" by Rebecca Rice from Red Book, February, 1997. We enjoyed Rebecca's article as she looked at the 'ways and means' of a happy marriage. Forty percent of marriages end in divorce so anything we all can learn about good marriages is to our advantage. The author of the article soon realizes of course, "there are certain core values" in good marriages. We know that everyone can probably list them - trust, mutual respect, commitment, etc. But there seem to arise the same habits from any happy couple that mirror these values. We will share very simple actions of her observations of happy couples.

1. They have personal 'pet' names for each other. Says Carolyn Perta, PhD, a marital and family therapist in Manhattan, "Pet names signal a safe, supportive environment and give us the chance to be vulnerable and childlike. They make us feel close to one another.

2. They DO things together - start businesses, take up cooking together, refinish to attic, browse in antique stores, etc. 

3. When the going gets tough they don't call Mom or Dad. It is important for the couple to solve their internal problems without any outside, potentially intrusive and controlling forces.

4. They stay connected to their parents and other family members. This way they share that part of their life with each other.

5. They both try to give 150% - and don't keep score.

6. They know how to disagree with limits and with no name calling.

7. They give each other simple gifts or little notes.

8. They do not tease each other about their vulnerable areas.

9. They help each other through life's ups and downs.

"Couples who do well together tend not to do anything that increases their partner's suffering, like becoming resentful or criticizing," notes Dr. Young-Eisendrath. "They both feel that they can always count on each other."

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THE VALUE OF PLAYFULNESS

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By Eda LeShan, an educator and family counsellor for more than 40 years. These excerpts are taken from "Are You Happy? Some Answers to the Most Important Questions in Your Life", by Dennis Wholey, pp. 29-33

"Some of us don't know how to play. We take life and ourselves too seriously. Perhaps we grew up in families in which there wasn't fun and happiness. Perhaps we believe that being an adult is deadly serious business and that fun and games are for little children and teenagers.....Happy people seem to enjoy all that life has to offer, and that includes the lighter side of life. There is balance in their lives, and that includes the ability to have fun. Do I know how to play? When was the last time I had some fun?"

"If I'm very depressed or if something is bothering me today, my husband, Larry, and I go to the park. We get on the carousel horses and we start riding, and I start singing at the top of my lungs. It is pure and absolute joy and happiness. If I analyze it, I say that being my child - the child is what's coming out. The childlike part of us, the playful part, gets lost. That's why there's this terrible, terrible hunger. When people say they're not happy it's because they have lost the child and the playfulness. ...Playfulness is really the basis of all discovery, and discovery is the adventure of living. ..."

"One hot-as-hell day in the middle of summer Larry and I were out walking. We came upon a fountain where little kids were in the water. Larry looked at me and I looked at him; we took off our watches and our shoes and we went into the fountain too. We arrived back at our apartment soaking wet, but it was wonderful. It was totally refreshing because it was so unexpected. We just looked at each other and did it."

"Larry and I bought a rubber raft, which we names 'Privasea - "privacy." It was a stupid little rubber boat with little oars and we would take it through the marshes on the Jersey shore to look at the birds through our field glasses. Along would come fancy million-dollar boats that have a special place to hang fishing rods and a top deck on which to stand. The people aboard them would laugh and wave to us and make jokes about what we were doing. Larry and I felt that they would rather have been in our silly little raft than on a great big boat."

"Larry and I have been married for forty-one years. The reason we have stayed married is that we don't know what's going to happen next. We've kept our sense of playfulness; we're constantly surprising each other...."

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RESPONSES FROM THE READERS ABOUT

ADDICTION ISSUES

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Recently my spiritual daughter age 25 and Persian shared with me the reality of her drinking and taking drugs. She does not feel that she can get help within the Baha'i community let alone turn to other Persian Baha'is for help. After speaking with her, I have learned from other young Persian Baha'is that they have the same problems and fears. Is there anyone out there working to help break the silence of this frightening condition? These young people need and want help but don't know what to do or how to do it and I don't know what to tell them. Does anyone know how wide spread this problem could be? I know that more than Persians suffer from these problems, but they seem to hide it more. I'm grateful for any insights. 

RESPONSES:

Like all cultures, Persian culture has many positive and negative aspects. One particularly negative aspect of this culture is the great emphasis on what I will call 'what will others think' syndrome. This prevents many individuals from being honest about personal tests for fear of what others may think or say. Unfortunately hiding problems and maintaining silence does not solve problems, but create bigger ones.

Firstly, it takes a great deal of courage for your spiritual daughter to share this problem with you and I would encourage you to commend her on her strength and courage. The fact that she has shared this with you means that firstly she does recognize it is a problem, and secondly, that she is reaching out for assistance.

If she is comfortable discussing this with her parents, the Local Assembly or an Auxiliary Board Member, please encourage her to do so and assure her of your full support as she tries to deal with this. If she is not comfortable going to family, friends or to the institutions of the faith, (which is what I would suspect is more likely) please take it upon yourself to be the one to help her address this problem and end her addiction. 

Here is what I would do:

1. Do some research on the subject and put it all in a folder - perhaps do some internet research, get books, pamphlets etc on addiction; find out information on various agencies that deal with alcohol and drug addiction; information on therapists (preferably a woman) that specialize in this area. Alcohol and drug dependencies are often results of unresolved inner issues, frustrations, etc ... youth today are not always provided with the tools and channels they need to deal with tests, and alcohol and drugs are one way of 'forgetting' or dealing with problems or 'rebelling' against the forbidden. Therapy would be helpful for her to identify the underlying reasons for her addiction and through understanding comes power and strength.

2. Put together a list of quotations from the writings on the subject.

3. There is a Baha'i support group for people dealing with addiction. Call the Baha'i Centre and get information on this and contact information - just in case your 'daughter' would consider contacting them.

4. Prepared with all this information, invite her over to your home to discuss this issue. Tell her how grateful you are that she has shared this with you. It must be a great burden to have a problem such as this and feel there is no one to tell, nowhere to turn. Her opening up is the FIRST and most important step in her therapy. Say some prayers, and show her the folder with all the research you have done. Tell her what you've learned and what seems to stick out in your mind about her and this issue. Then have a consultation with her about what SHE would like to do. 

- does she want to stop drinking and using drugs? 
- why does she think this habit began for her?
- does she feel she can stop? (and tell her why you are confident that she can)
- ask any other questions you think are relevant

5. Ask her to take the folder home and study it and set up another time to meet a week or two later to discuss the matter further. Giving her the opportunity to take control and choose her treatment option will be empowering to her. But your 'presence' - physical, emotional, and spiritual - are vital for her success. Assure her that you are available to her at all times and that you will stick by her. Tell her this is not her 'fault' and there is no faulting, blaming etc ... it is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has their own challenges, and this happens to be hers ... but for her physical, spiritual and psychological health, it needs to be dealt with because it is not only something that is spiritually forbidden but physically unhealthy.

6. Encourage the daughter to involve her parents. If she is not comfortable with this, ask if she'd like for her (the woman assisting her) to be present if/when she chooses to tell her parents. Her presence may take some of the pressure off, but the woman will need to ensure the parents that they can trust her to keep this to herself or the parents may get upset with their daughter for telling someone outside of the family about the problem. They may or may not be upset/supportive, etc. There is not enough information to guess, but the bottom line is not to be judgmental of the young girl, not to attribute blame to her or her family; and finally to focus on working to assist her. She may very well be surprised by her parents' reaction and their understanding and support will be of great assistance to her. 

7. Set out a time line with goals - what does she hope to achieve by when, etc.

Unfortunately, there is not enough discussion in the community about this problem and our young people don't always receive the support they need and deserve. We sometimes wrongly assume that just because something is 'forbidden' in the Faith, that it doesn't happen ... well it does, and there is indeed support out there in the community. Our youth are so important and precious and any effort you and others can make to assist in these issues, would be a great service.

- By Cheshmak Farhoumand-Sims, Toronto, Ontario, Canada

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Young and not so young Baha'is, who are struggling with addictions issues, can receive assistance from the Baha'i Network on AIDS, Sexuality, Addictions and Abuse. Their website is at: www.globweb.com/bnasaa/ They hold conferences yearly at Green Acre and Louhelen Baha'i School, and frequently at Bosch and other locations in the US and Canada.

- Susan Gammage, Ontario, Canada

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REQUESTING ASSISTANCE FROM OUR READERS

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I have a growth (non-malignant tumor) inside my skull on the nerve going to my ear. It is not inside the brain but if it grows can affect the brain. Is there anyone who has successfully treated this condition without surgery? For the time being, I have decided against surgery, but would appreciate any helpful suggestions anyone might have.

- Anonymous

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QUESTION OF THE MONTH

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The December issue will focus on "Lifestyles and Aging." What kind of lifestyles are healthy for seniors? Many seniors develop hearing, visual and mobility limitations and what coping skills can be learned? How can we be sensitive to their needs and to assist them in appropriate ways? Also, this is a special time for seniors to be grandparents and how can family members develop a loving relationship with them?

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PURPOSE OF THE NEWSLETTER

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"Healing Through Unity" is published for the purpose of sharing thoughts, comments and experiences on how the teachings of the Baha'i Faith are being applied to physical and spiritual health. Other than the quoted Holy Writings, the material in this newsletter represents the thoughts and opinions of the writers and has no authority. You are free to copy articles, provided you indicate the source of the article. If you have a change of e-mail address or wish to unsubscribe the newsletter, please inform me. There are 10 issues per year; it is not published during July and August. The newsletter is produced in Ontario, Canada. 

Please send your stories, comments, suggestions or "Question for the Month" ideas to Frances Mezei by e-mail: fmezei@sentex.net

PLEASE NOTE:

Many thanks to all of you who sent such wonderful contributions for "Healing Through Unity" Newsletter. The decision to select and edit material submitted for publication is determined by the editor.

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WEB SITE

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